MOORE — While driving down a country road, it was impossible not to be entertained by the creativity of the local residents. It almost appeared as though they were in competition for the most bizarre “No Trespassing” signs.
“Is there life after death? Trespass here and find out.”
“Stay away or you’ll pay.”
“Look too long and you’ll get the book.”
“No trespassing from 6 p.m. to 6 a.m.”
“No trespassers. Violators will be shot.”
In the middle of a wooded area with no electrical lines in sight, this sign boasted: “This area is under video surveillance, trespass and we’ll prosecute.”
To see how these ranked with the top ‘No Trespassing’ signs, we found in an online search. Sure enough – the signs we saw were easily topped:
“Danger, Dinosaur area. Keep out.”
“Notice: If you are found here tonight … you will be found here tomorrow.” (A large picture of a gun paints the picture.)
“Keep Out. Live Bees.”
Posted on a chain-link fence: “Warning, fence treated with lubricant.”
“Keep out. Everything is gone.”
“Stay out. Stay alive.”
“Warning. I can make it to the fence in 2.8 seconds … can you?” A large Doberman pincer was painted on the sign.
“If door does not open, do not enter.”
“Do not enter. If the fall doesn’t kill you – the crocodile will.”
“No Trespassing. Violators will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.”
“Warning. Pit bull with AIDS.”
“No Trespassing. Forget about the dogs. Worry about the owner.”
There are many prohibited areas. I’m so thankful there’s one place we can go whenever we need to and there are no signs posted warning us away. There are no regularly scheduled hours, and we are always welcome. In fact, we are instructed to “Come boldly to the Throne of Grace.”
We won’t be shot, turned away or attacked by wild dogs.
We’ll be welcomed with open arms. What a glorious thought.
Wanda Billbe is a periodic contributor to the Moore American.