BEVERLY HILLS--Merry Christmas, everybody, and God bless America.

Airlines for America reported Tuesday the number of Americans flying on Christmas Day is sharply lower than last year but the number of people driving is way up. The reason is simple. No one is going to throw you out of the car if you simply can’t stop texting.

NBC’s telecast of It’s a Wonderful Life last night offered former President George H.W. Bush narrating it. He’s always loved the movie. His favorite part is where Clarence the Angel explains that every time a bell rings we have to topple another Iraqi government.

New York former Congressman Anthony Weiner announced he and his wife just had a baby boy they named Jason. It’s a nice ending to a bad year. Anthony Weiner’s friends have begged him not to text them any photos of the baby, they’ll take his word it was a boy.

The Census Bureau reported Thursday that U.S. population had its slowest growth in 70 years in the past year. They’re significantly understating the growth. Until the 30-year-olds move out of their parents’ basement the census doesn’t count them as born.

Kim Kardashian was accused by a human rights group Friday of using Chinese slave labor to make her clothing line in China. It’s no surprise. While it’s true that everyone in Hollywood is a Democrat, what no one realizes is how many of them are Southern Democrats. White Castle became the first hamburger chain Thursday to test beer and wine sales at its fast food restaurants. Their timing couldn’t be better. Millions of Americans have begun eating all their meals in bars just for the Happy Hour menu specials.

Iowa State University’s poll showed Ron Paul in the lead for the first time Thursday in the fight for the GOP caucus votes in nine days. It’s the young people who support his message. The louder Ron Paul yells at them to get off his lawn, the more they love him.

Ron Paul denied writing 20 years ago that 95 percent of all black men in Washington D.C. were criminals. That’s silly. Statisticians say it’s wrong to extrapolate characteristics of an entire city from the crime statistics of the Congressional Black Caucus.

The Justice Department accused Arizona’s Sheriff Joe Arpaio of racially profiling the illegal aliens in Phoenix. It’s a fine line. There are eighty thousand Canadians who’ve bought winter homes in Phoenix who make up the seasonal population of Snow-Mexicans.

Baghdad erupted in ethnic strife Thursday after U.S. troops left for Kuwait. We could be back at square one. For security purposes Saddam Hussein used to have a lot of doubles roaming around Iraq and if we can find one of them, the CIA says they have a plan.

Syrian refugees accused Syrian government troops of opening fire on protesters and executing them hundreds at a time. It shouldn’t surprise anybody. It appears that a lot of Los Angeles police officers moved to Syria for a new start after they lost their homes.

North Korea’s Kim Jong-Il was mourned by millions of his countrymen Friday during his state funeral. It may have liberated a starving nation. Now that Kim Jong-Il is gone, many North Koreans plan to move to Seattle because they hear it rains cats and dogs there.

Mitt Romney released commercials in Iowa Friday citing his experience as a venture capitalist as evidence he’ll be a great president. He vowed he will run this country just like a business. He’ll take one look at the books and burn us down for the insurance money.

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at

This Week's Circulars