BEVERLY HILLS -- God bless America, and how's everybody?

President Bush delivered his annual Thanksgiving week message of goodwill to the nation Wednesday while meeting with reporters in the Rose Garden. He then pardoned a big skinny white turkey. Michael Richards was overwhelmed with gratitude.

Michael Richards called Al Sharpton's radio show to apologize for his racist rant at the Laugh Factory last Friday. The comic was on fire. He used the N-word seven times in two minutes and ten seconds, tying Richard Pryor's Comedy Store record.

Michael Richards repeatedly yelled the N-word at black hecklers at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood. It was awful. New Yorkers really shouldn't recite Lester Maddox's I Have a Dream speech, because their northern accents make it sound racist.

Dick Cheney flew to Saudi Arabia Wednesday for talks with King Abdullah and the Saudi princes in the royal palace in Riyadh. That's how close he is to the Saudis. Members of the Bush administration always spend Thanksgiving with the family.

President Bush will go to a NATO summit in Latvia Monday to try to add Japan, Australia and South Korea to the alliance. This could upset Vladimir Putin. If Russia were any more surrounded they would be in the Green Zone with General Casey.

Barbara Bush's purse was stolen in Argentina along with her credit cards and driver's license. Identity thieves beware. Anybody trying to pass themselves off as members of the Bush family could freeze this winter because they have lost the House.

The Democratic Party on Tuesday narrowed the field to New York and Denver for cities to host the 2008 party convention. It's a fierce fight. New York has all the electoral votes but marijuana is legal in Denver, so it could go either way.

The U.S. District Court in Washington heard arguments from television networks Wednesday that indecency standards are unconstitutional. The networks need an answer. Katie Couric is willing to do the news topless if it will get her out of third place.

Rudy Giuliani filed paperwork with the Federal Election Commission Wednesday for a presidential run. He's for gun control, he's pro-choice and he's pro-gay rights. Up until now, no one's been around to represent the Ted Kennedy Republicans.

South and North Korea said Wednesday that they could be represented by a unified Korean team in the next Summer Olympics. North Korea really has no choice if they want to field a team. Everybody who can run, jump or swim is already in South Korea.

Procter and Gamble set up 20 royally luxurious public restrooms in Times Square Tuesday to promote Charmin. They will remain there for the holidays. New York City is already famous for its unique public restrooms, they double as subways.

Burger King was sued by two New Mexico policemen who were served two burgers laced with marijuana one night. The watch commander figured it out later. He logged six burglary calls during their shift, all involving emptied out refrigerators.

O.J. Simpson admitted Wednesday he wrote his now-canceled hypothetical confession book to pay bills. He won't return the money. People in Los Angeles knew that once he got away with double murder, he could never be trusted to refund an advance.

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