OLLYWOOD -- God bless America, and how's everybody?

Boise State upset the Oklahoma Sooners in overtime at the Fiesta Bowl Monday night. No one thought a small school could beat the winningest team in college football history. It was considered the surest sign yet the insurgency is spreading.

The Coney Island Polar Bear Club hosted its annual New Year's Day swim in the frigid waters off New York City Monday. It wasn't completely successful. Paris Hilton and Britney Spears came out of the water just as drunk as when they went in.

New Yorkers rang in the new year on Sunday with a million people celebrating together in Times Square. A new study says 70 percent of all working adults give something to a friend at a New Year's party. The good news is, it is treatable.

President Bush issued his annual New Year's Day message Monday from his ranch in Texas. You could tell his writers were on vacation. The president said he was still in consultations over Iraq and then he wished every American a happy birthday.

Democrats took control of the House and Senate Thursday, giving them subpoena power. They plan to investigate the pretext for going to war. President Bush asked Jerry Ford's kids Tuesday if any of them would like to be his back-up vice president.

Gerald Ford was honored at the National Cathedral in Washington Tuesday with a state funeral. He believed in a moderate and collegial style of leadership instead of the John Wayne approach. President Bush eulogized him as a great golfer.

President Bush devoted his Saturday radio address to praising former President Gerald Ford. He said President Ford was a mentor for young Dick Cheney and Don Rumsfeld three decades ago. Their Secret Service code names were Udey and Qusey.

President Bush had a word with Betty Ford after the funeral Tuesday. He has lost Afghanistan, he's lost Iraq, he's lost Congress and tabloids say he's lost Laura. Betty Ford hears a version of this story every day in the admissions office.

Saddam Hussein's hanging was shown on the Internet thanks to cell phone cameras at his execution. The lesson is clear. Admit you have weapons of mass destruction whether you have them or not, or you could replace Benny Goodman as the King of Swing.

Saddam Hussein was buried Monday in his birthplace town of Tikrit. The White House tried desperately to delay his hanging Saturday. They wanted to get him across the border into Iran to justify the president's next move in the Middle East.

Rudy Giuliani's secret plan to run for the White House was leaked to the New York Daily News on Tuesday. The plan is to do 50 fundraisers in three months. That's how much it costs to keep two ex-wives and the city of New York from talking.

Democrats promised Tuesday to allow the sale of cheap prescription drugs from Canada. It's important to go with the flow. Last week a UPS truck full of Paxil coming down from the north slammed into a truckload of illegal aliens coming up from the south and resulted in two dozen Mexicans with a whole new outlook on life.

Pat Robertson said on his talk show Tuesday the U.S. will be hit with a terrorist attack this year. He said God told him it will happen in September. Every time Pat Robertson actually repeats this stuff on the air God wins 20 bucks from St. Peter.

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. He can be reached for speaking engagements by e-mail at argus@argushamilton.com.

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