OLLYWOOD ? God bless America, and how's everybody?

Hurricane Dennis approached Florida Thursday off the Caribbean. The bad news is that the hurricane is packing winds estimated at Category Three. The good news is, cars going north were reported to be getting 400 miles per gallon.

New York Times reporter Judy Miller was jailed for refusing to reveal a source for a story she never wrote. Martha Stewart was imprisoned for lying about a crime she didn't commit. The legal groundwork has been laid for Saddam Hussein to hang for having no weapons.

Lance Armstrong led the Tour de France Wednesday as the race left the Vendee and headed toward Alsace Lorraine. There's a lot of pressure on him this year. He could be arrested for trying to kill the president by making bicycle racing look easy.

President Bush ran over a Scottish constable on his bicycle ride in Scotland on Wednesday and sent him to the hospital. There was no need for an apology. We are fighting the Scottish constables over there so we don't have to fight them here.

The White House played down President Bush's injuries from his bicycle crash Wednesday. He's fallen off his bicycle twice and his Segway once. So much for Republicans putting a disclaimer in science textbooks that gravity is only a theory.

The G-8 Summit convened at Gleneagles in Scotland Wednesday. The world leaders spent the day discussing poverty in Africa at a private golf resort. It's the most honest display of disinterest since President Clinton unveiled the race initiative in La Jolla.

The G-8 Summit began in Scotland Wednesday as protests raged outside. Police were given full permission to beat the anarchists with billy clubs. If Rodney King had been pulled over during the War on Terror, he would be a conga drum today.

Fred Thompson was named Wednesday to shepherd President Bush's Supreme Court nominee through confirmation. It makes things worse. If you think the Christian right won't tolerate a moderate nominee, wait until they see one with a male escort.

President Bush from Scotland Wednesday asked partisans in Washington to lay off attacks on Attorney General Alberto Gonzales as a possible Supreme Court nominee. Senate Democrats promised to turn him upside down under hot lights and shake him until they get the truth out of him. They don't like his stance on torture.

President Bush promised Wednesday he will appoint a Supreme Court nominee who strictly follows the Constitution. In the last 50 years the Supreme Court has become a super-legislature that runs everything. They might as well call it Law-Mart.

Rush Limbaugh lost his battle with Palm Beach County prosecutors to keep his medical records secret. You have to feel for him. The amount of painkillers he took could have killed him 12 years ago and he still wouldn't know he was dead.

Michelle Wie today may become the first woman to make the cut on a PGA tour event in 60 years. It makes men uncomfortable. When they hear that a woman made the cut, they just want to know if it can be stitched back on and if it will still work.

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. He can be reached for speaking engagements by e-mail at argus@argushamilton.com.

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