HOLLYWOOD ? God bless America, and how's everybody?

The space shuttle astronauts on Friday picked up all the used food and drink containers in the space station. Perhaps we should do this more often. Inside the refrigerator were milk cartons with pictures of Patty Hearst on the side of them.

Marilyn Monroe hinted at an affair with Jack Kennedy and later Bobby Kennedy in audiotaped admissions to her psychiatrist made public Friday. It's touching. Greater love hath no man than he who shares Marilyn Monroe with his younger brother.

Rafael Palmeiro tested positive for using steroids Monday three months after he testified under oath to Congress that he never used steroids. This won't be the end of it. If convicted he could get four to eight years as California governor.

The USC Trojans led the nationwide rankings Friday in the pre-season college football poll. The team's number-one goal this fall is to avoid legal trouble. By the end of last season their first downs were being measured by real chain gangs.

Bobby Knight testified in a New York trial that the NCAA basketball playoffs violate antitrust laws. His self-control is improving. In March Bobby Knight lost the U.N. ambassadorship when John Bolton threw a chair 20 feet farther than he did.

Bill Clinton unveiled a Presidential Libraries postage stamp in Little Rock Thursday. It's a start. Republicans can't wait to see Bill Clinton's picture on a postage stamp because when it is canceled they will have him behind bars at last.

U.S. Rep. Henry Bonilla wants to name a Washington street after Ronald Reagan. The nation remembers his time in office very fondly. Those were the good old days when America had all the oil we needed right there in the president's hair.

Tony Blair said Friday that British authorities will monitor Islamic meeting places. They will deport anybody who advocates violence and terrorism. It was the worst possible day for a Muslim to walk into an Irish bar and order a Sam Adams.

Tony Blair told immigrants Friday that moving into British society is not a right and carries with it a duty. He said they must share and support British values. It could be the last time he's asked to give Mexico's weekly radio address.

President Bush's numbers collapsed in Friday's AP poll. Fifty percent of Americans say he's dishonest and 56 percent say he's arrogant. He's holed up at the ranch thinking a month of house arrest might get him his own cooking show.

The Washington Post criticized President Bush on Wednesday for taking 33 days off for vacation during wartime. He needs to chill out. Three times during dinner Thursday he told his family to pass the salt or face the consequences.

Supreme Court nominee John Roberts said Friday he forgot to mention he was a cosmetics lobbyist. He also did free legal work for a gay rights group. Wait until Dr. James Dobson finds out that in his courtroom is a statue of Liberace the Lawgiver.

U.S. Senator Evan Bayh said Friday that Democrats lack credibility on national security. He said they have to convince the American people they are willing to use force. Hillary Clinton just asked William Kennedy Smith to be her running mate.

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. He can be reached for speaking engagements by e-mail at argus@argushamilton.com.

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